He walks into the hotel room. He just wants to be alone. He needs to be alone.

It all seems way to wrong. Nothing really makes sense to him anymore. He sits on his big bed and he feels that something is missing. Someone. He stays in complete silence for about 2 hours.

Then he hears the phone ring. He hopes that it's him and wishing that it isn’t at the same time. And when he sees the caller ID he decides not to answer. Nothing good will come out of it. It will only make things a lot worse. It's not a minute later that he hears the phone vibrate indicating he’s got a new text message.

Talk to me. Please.

He reads the message and it hurts more then anything has ever had. He doesn't know what to say. What can he possibly say? There is nothing to talk about .your'e with her now. Or maybe I love you even if you're a fucking ass-hole. He doesn't answer.

He should know better. Jared won't give up. Jensen knows he won't. Maybe deep down he's counting on it. There is a knock on the door and it really doesn't take a genius to figure out who it is. He gets up and walks towards the door. He wants to tell Jared to leave him alone, to get out. Just leave and never talk to him again. But when he opens the door no words come.

He finds that all he wants to do is pull Jared in and kiss the living hell out of him. He doesn't.

"Hey," Jared says.

Jensen tries to think of something to say. Nothing seems right. Jared walks in and Jensen closes the door after him.

"Jen, I'm…sorry. I'm-" he's begins but Jensen cuts him off.

"You're sorry? What do you mean you're sorry? Sorry doesn't cut it, Jared." Not Jay. Jared, he says before he can stop and think. Jared looks surprised. Maybe even hurt. And all Jensen wants to do is take it back. And he fucking hates the fact that he's feeling guilty when it should be the other way around.

"I don't… I don't know what to say," Jared confesses.

He wants to say, Me neither. "Jared" he says and tries to make his voice steady. "Wh-why did you do it?" He's so afraid to hear Jared answer. Please don't say you love her. He begs to someone. Anyone. No one. But of course that someone isn't listening.

"I love Sandy," Jared says so quietly Jensen almost doesn't hear it. Only he did.

There is silence. And then, a whisper. "What about me?" He hopes Jared didn't hear it. Only he did.

"I love you to, Jen. You know I do."

If you did, this would never happen. I would be happy. There is silence again and it's killing him. "You can't," he says after a few seconds. "You just can’t."

"Can’t what, Jen?" Jared asks.

"You can't fucking love us both! Y-you can't marry her." Please.

It’s only after the words are out in the open he realizes what he’s just said. He wants to hit himself. To bury himself deep down in the ground. Jared doesn't speak. And that is what hurts the most. "Jared." He tries to get him to react. To say something.

"I'm sorry," Jared repeats. Fucking sorry. And it takes everything in Jensen's will power not to burst out in tears, get down on his knees and beg Jared to stay and never let go.

Jared is looking right at him. "Can I… can I kiss you?" he asks.

"Can you what? Are y-you fucking kidding me Jared?" Jensen answers. Because come the fuck on. Kiss him?

"Just… let me… One last time?"

Jensen’s just too afraid to tell him that if he kisses him he would never let him go. Not even after he’d left. Not ever. But he doesn't even get the chance to say something. To object. Because Jared's lips are on his in a matter of seconds.

It's their worst and best kiss ever. Everything and nothing. To much and not barely enough. It's hurt, comfort, pain, love and lust all together. And when Jared breaks the kiss and takes a step back the tears that Jensen has been holding back since the moment Jared told him about the engagement finally fall. But none of that matters any more.

"Jared?" he asks. "Why did you come here?"

"Goodbye Jensen." It’s not Jen. It’s Jensen, Jared whispers.

And then he's alone, again.

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