And what for? Nothing has been going well silence the moment he left Jensen’s hotel room.

The simplest things are so hard to do. Every little thing, passes with the image of only one person. Every second passes by so slowly. Days used to pass a lot faster when he spent them with him. He misses the long hours of work, the breaks in Jensen's trailer. Getting home and not being able to do anything because you're simply to fucking exhausted. And then being so wrapped up in each other that no one seemed to know where one ended and the other began.

He's sitting by himself on the couch watching some stupid horror movie. Sandy is somewhere in London with some of her friends. He tries to put his mind to rest. To get caught up in anything other then green eyes filled with tears. Tears he was the only person responsible for. Then it hits him. Like really hits him. He’s actually made the biggest mistake he's ever made.

The first thing he does is to text-message him. He knows it won't do much help but he tries.

Jensen. Call me. Need to talk to you. I'm sorry. 

Of course Jensen isn’t calling back. Jared never thought he would.

The second thing he tries is to call him. This of course fails pretty quickly. He's not answering. Not the first time. Not the twentieth time either.  So in the twenty-first time he leaves a message he's certain Jensen will listen to. He knows the man pretty well after the best two years in his life.

"Jen- Jensen. I really need to talk to you. I'm so sorry. I love you."

He spends the next couple of days waiting for a call he knows isn't coming.

The third thing he tries is to go to his apartment. The minute he steps into the hallway, all the last couple of years come rushing back to him and his head is full of memories. The times they were coming back from hanging with the guys and hiding the sexual tension between them. Acting like two buddies and the minute they would get in, they would be on each other in the matter of seconds.

He knocks on the door for ten whole minutes. This time he really did expect an answer and he has to force himself to leave and not spend the night in front of Jensen's door.

The fourth thing he tries is talking to someone of Jensen's friends. Chris is the first one he tries to talk to.

"What?" Chris's voice answers from the other end.

"Hey man, look, I need you to-" He's cut off pretty quick.

"I need you to never go near me or my friends. Bye Jared."

Jared loses his calm, which is something that doesn’t usually happen to him. "Chris! Listen to me. I really need to talk to you!"

There's noise in the background and then he hears, "But baby, Jen told me-" "I don’t really care." He assumes that’s Steve and he's right. A second later he gets to hear the reasonable one of the duo. "Jared, man, I'll see you in a half an hour at your place okay?"

Jared relaxes a little. "Yeah," he agrees.

It is the longest thirty minutes of his life and when he hears the knock on the door he's heart is threatening to burst out of his chest.

"Come in," he says when he opens the door to Steve.

"Thanks," Steve says and they both get inside.

"Okay," Steve says after twenty minutes. Jared has been explaining everything to him. Every single thing he's done wrong in the last two weeks. "I'll arrange everything and let you know." 

Jared nods and pulls Steve into a hug. "Thanks man. I couldn’t… I've been… just. Thanks," he finally says because he really can't explain all the emotions he's feeling right now.

"Don't thank me. I know your not some ass hole. I know Jen still loves you and that you guys are meant for each other or else I wouldn’t have helped you."

He gets a text message from Steve the next day with the last details.

The key is under the carpet. Get there at 8 pm. Let yourself in.

So he does.

+_+_+_+_+_+_

The second the door opens and Jensen see Jared he feels weak. He feels his whole body tense. "W-what are you doing here?" he asks. He knows he should just kick him out. But he can't. It's Jared.

"I have been the biggest ass hole ever. I'm so sor-" He seriously has no desire to hear Jared's apologies. For the mere reason, he knows he'll give in the second Jared says the right words, and he will. Jared always does.

"Stop. I don't want to hear it." But then something that Jensen isn’t expecting happens. Jared cries. Fucking cries. Actual tears.

"I'm not gonna stop, Jen. I just won’t. I made the biggest mistake when I told you I was choosing Sandy. I don’t even know why I did it. I… the only thing I been able to think about in last couple of weeks is you. Only you. And I can't possibly imagine another moment like this. Another second without you."

As Jared speaks he gets closer and close to Jensen until he's right in front of him. Almost touching him. Jensen mind is empty. He can't think of a single reaction. "Can’t think about the fact that I won't be able to touch you, to kiss you." He looks at Jensen with his big eyes.

"You know I can't." Jensen says weakly. "I can’t fucking say no to you." He doesn’t get to say another damn word because Jared's mouth is on his right after he finishes.

He can taste the bitter taste of tears. He can taste Jared. And oh God he tastes good. He tastes the best.

"I'm sorry," Jared mumbles into the kiss. "So sorry." Jared steps back. "I love you, you know that right?" he asks. Yeah he knows.

"I just tend to forget from time to time," Jensen whispers and tug's Jared’s shirt to pull him close again.

"Let me remind you," Jared says.

_+_+_+_+_+_

"Jen. I want you to fuck me." It's far away from want. It's need. Jensen nods and Jared can feel Jensen's hand reaching beneath his T-shirt.

"Bed…now," Jensen whispers. Jared doesn't even need to nod. They both know what the other’s thinking and feeling at the moment. They both feel the same.

Jensen pushes Jared's T-shirt up and off, and the minute he sees bare skin he licks every spot on Jared's chest. Jensen is pushing Jared back slightly until he falls onto his back on the bed. He lies over him and kisses his way down to one nipple. Jensen licks it and then bites little bits he knows Jared loves.

"Jen. No foreplay. Want you inside me," Jared gasps. Jensen nods and reaches his hand to open the drawer next to the bed to pull out lube and a pack of condoms. Jensen gets his shirt off and unzips Jared's jeans. He gets them off along with Jared's boxers, and then does the same with his own pants and boxers seconds later. 

They are both naked and Jared can't seem to realize how he got along without being able to touch Jensen for a whole two weeks. His hands are everywhere on Jensen's body. Not wanting to get off of him. It feels way too good. Way to familiar.

"Ready?" Jensen asks.

"Go on," he answers. Jensen puts on the condom and pops open the lube. He pours the lube on his fingers and then there is one finger against Jared’s entrance. He rubs it and then pushes it inside. "Oh shit," Jared gasps. The uncomfortable yet so thrilling move makes him shiver. Jensen pushes in and out and then adds a second and third finger. "Jen… come on… Please…" he moans. Jensen kisses his bellybutton and rubs his tummy. 

"You ready for me Jay? Want me inside?" Jensen asks and pushes his fingers further and hits that special place inside Jared.

"Yeah.-oh FUCK yeah. Jen, baby, come on." Jensen smiles and pulls his fingers out. Jared lets out a loud moan at the feeling of emptiness inside him, but it doesn't take long until Jensen pushes his cock inside.

Jared's legs wrap around Jensen’s waist and he is pushing him further in. "Love you inside me," Jared whispers. He reaches his hand to the back of Jensen’s neck to pull him in for a sloppy kiss. The room fills with moans from both of them as they catch a good rhythm. "H-harder. Oh god, Jen just… yeah just like that." Jensen is pushing inside and it feels better then ever, and Jared regrets every moment they were apart. "Jen,-OH GOD n-need you to touch me… please, Jen, I need you to get me off." Jensen nods and wraps his hand around Jared's hard cock, he strokes and pulls. Jared gasps with pleasure and he can feel his climax building.

"Come on, Jay, so beautiful like that. Love you under me baby," Jensen says. Whispers. "Don’t leave me again, Jay." As if to prove that he won't, Jared clenches hard around Jensen’s dick with the feel of his orgasm. With Jensen's name on his lips he comes hard all over Jensen's hand. Jensen is stroking him all the way through. Jensen is coming seconds later. Shouting "jayjayjay." Jared pulls him again for another deep kiss and the rest of Jensen’s unclear mumbling is being swallowed in the kiss.
 

Jensen collapse on top of him and they stay like that for a few minutes. Connected.

_+_+_+_+_+_

He pulls out of Jared and lies besides him. He takes the condom off and reaches for the box of tissues. He then wipes Jared tummy and his hand clean. "Promise me." He whispers in Jared ear, biting his earlobe.

"Promise you what?" Jared turns his head to look at him, his big green-brown eyes burn a hole into him.

"Promise you'll stay. Promise me you love me. That I'm the only one. That this is gonna last forever. Promise." He sounds like a little boy asking his parents to promise him that they'll get him a new game for his birthday. He doesn't care. He needs to hear it. Jared has this weird look on his face and for a minute Jensen actually think this is gonna end bad, that he'll leave again. But then Jared smiles, and really, how can a person's smile can be this promising. This beautiful?

"Promise," Jared whispers and pulls Jensen close. They tangle themselves in each other and fall asleep together

And really, as long as Jared is next to him? Everything is perfect.