It was probably one of the hardest things you had to do. You really hate doing that sometimes. You know it always gets to you. But it's your job. It's just your character. It's not really you. It's Dean. But it's still damn hard. It really is. And it's not really Jared. It's not really Jared that’s lying dead there. It's Sam. And you know it. But it doesn't matter to you. The scene is emotionally difficult. Exhausting. It's really hard for you not to see Jared there.

"What am I supposed to do, Sam?"

You really have no idea what would you have done if it was Jared. And still you get that whole scene just right. Cause you’re a professional. And a damn good actor. Jared always tells you that.

When the scene ends. And Singer yells "cut", Jared opens his eyes. You breathe in relief.

Jared knows to leave you alone after scenes like that. So he gets up and walks to his trailer. There's a 30 minutes break. Eric's letting you relax. Usually after scenes like that you just need to be with yourself and relax. Alone. But not this time. This time you really don’t want to be alone. So you follow Jared to his trailer and then grab his arm. "wha-"Jared starts. But you cut him off and pull him hard into you. You cup his face with your hands and kiss him hard. Long. Deep. "Jen" he says when you finally pull away. "What's up baby?" he asks. And you don’t really know how to explain yourself. How to explain that you…you're so afraid. Afraid that someday he'll just go away. You're terrified. You really don’t know how you would get along without him. How you ever did? "Nothing" you answer and open the door to his trailer. And you're both getting in. you close the door after you and push Jared on it. "Jay" you say softly. "God Jay. Love you." and you know the words don’t say enough. "I love you. So fucking much" you repeat. Just because you really want him to know that. He smiles. You can hear his smile. You can feel the smile on your cheek wile he kisses you.

Jared is what no one has ever been for you. Your everything. And god knows you're grateful for him. For everything he's brought to your life.

There are hands everywhere. Big, clumsy hands. Jared's hands. He tells you just how much he loves you with his touch. And then there's his mouth. Oh god. His mouth. You are pretty sure Jared's mouth is god's way of teasing you. His beautiful mouth. You push yourself into him. Making him feel just how much you want him."Mmmm… Jay. Baby. Want you. Want you so much. Please Jay." you all but begs. You need to feel him. Need it like no other thing. Being with him, feeling him just became a basic need. Something that you just have to get to make it trough the day. You start unbuttoning his shirt. One of Sam's shirts. You can't stand the thought of fabric between you and him. When his shirt comes off you waste no time in pushing his pants and boxers down. Reviling his amazing body. You quickly undress yourself.  You don’t want to waist another second.

You pull him close for another kiss, and it's just amazing how you never get enough of him. You're both naked now. Breathing hard and fast. You stumble to the couch behind you. And you lay down. Pulling him on you. He lies on top of you and he backs of just a little and stares at you. "Come on Jay… please." You find yourself beg again. He grins and kisses you. He breaks up the kiss and gets up. He walks to the table and pull out of his bag a pack of condoms and a bottle of lube. He gets back and lies on top of you again. And you just love the feeling of his body on yours. It's what you need. What you crave for. And then he's all over you again.

 you feel one of his fingers –those god damn long fingers.-against your opening. And then he's pushing it in to you. "Shit" you gasps. And god, you just love the way he knows exactly what to do in order to make you feel good. He pulls his finger in and out a few times and then adds another one. His circling your hole. Hard and fast. Thrusting in to you with his fingers. You moan and whimper underneath him. When he thrust his third finger you start shouting. "fuck. Jay please-ne-need you in me. God. Now." He laughs and you think it’s the most beautiful voice you’ve ever heard. "You want me to fuck you Jen? Make you come? My dick all the way inside you. Fucking you hard?" and that’s when you feel his fingers touch that spot inside you." JAY!. Godsogoodbaby" you yell. And he pulls his fingers out. You help him put the condom on. He leans close to you. And you close the distance between you and kiss him. And then he's inside you. Slowly. he gets deeper and deeper. He gives you a second to get used to him. Which is totally unnecessary because you're always used to him. All the fucking time.

"God… Jay… need you… need you to move baby..." you pant. Total ecstasy floats you and it feels so good. It always does. And then he moves. And it gets better. It gets a lot better then that."Ohhh yeah! Fuck. Jen…you feel so god around me. God you're so tight. So good. Love you Jen. God baby love you so fucking much." He says into your ear. And before you can respond he's got his lips on yours. His warm mouth on yours. And you think that he's the best thing you’ve ever tasted. He tastes like nothing you can describe. And you never want him to let go. You feel that if he did let you , that you would die. But he only breaks the kiss for air. And a second later he's kissing you again.

He thrust into you hard. But that’s not enough. "Harder baby. Faster" you beg. And then he finds your prostate and he touches it every single time he thrust into you. And you pretty much lost your ability to speak.and you gasps and whimper and mumble silly dirty thing into his ear. You feel your orgasm building in your stomach and you try real hard to compose a normal sentence. And even make him sound clear enough. "Jay… gonna… FUCK…. Gonna come baby." and he smiles again and encourage you." Come on Jen" he says and his hand is on your rock-hard cock. He's stroking you nice and hard. "Come on Jen.come all over my hand. Come on baby." He stokes you a couple more times and whisper "I love you baby" into your ear. And that's that for you. You come with a cry and his name rolls of your tongue.he follow soon after. Biting his bottom lip and says your name without a voice. He collapse on you and you put your arms over him. Pulling him close. Closer then its possible. The only thing you need is feeling him close.

You love those emotional draining scenes. Because you can feel Jared afterwards. Really feel him. And you know that he is yours and that you are his. And you know, you just know that there is no way you're ever letting him go.

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Have a great day!